| The easier it looks, the harder it hooks. |
[08 Nov 2009|12:27pm] |
Ahhhhh, the Cabaret went well. I mean, I barely see any of the acts, and I can only go by what I'm told by audience members, but the house was full and raucous, and I didn't see any major emergencies. I ended up singing 'Stand By Me' and 'Easy Money' because Kait Dueck was already doing 'Long John Blues.' Oops! Ah well, it's a good song, and she did a great job. You can see my pictures (from rehearsals to the show night) over at my Facebook album.
The entire show felt pretty good - there are always better and worse acts, but it's really gone up in quality since the first couple of shows I was in. It also helps to have some serious pros on lighting and sound, with a big house to work with, a great band, and a really good-sized audience. But I also feel like maybe the move to Market Hall made everyone get a little more serious. I'd actually recommend this show to people now, where I'd be kinda iffy about it before. And there were lots of non-scenesters there - people who I don't normally see at these things, or people who aren't generally at shows in other venues. The Market Hall has a prestige now that few other venues can boast.
At intermission, I went to ask my sister Sammi (who was shooting the show for me - I'll post links when I get it up online) how my song went, and she was pretty negative but not specific, which left it open to me to basically invent reasons why it sucked (like that I was off-key or whatever - I mean, I knew that in places I hadn't quite hit the right note, but sigh). That kind-of put a damper on my mood. My family motto should be 'Honest enough to do damage.' Anyway, she was nicer about my second song, and lots of people who were in the audience said really nice things. There was one couple there who lived kitty-corner from us in the village I grew up in, and Jane came over to tell me how much she enjoyed the show and in particular my numbers. She asked when I was performing again, which was nice, and said they'd love to see me sing again and that they loved the whole show.
However, I am the type who definitely thinks more about negative criticism (or criticism that I think is implied or that I imagine someone must be thinking) more than the most enthusiastic positive feedback, and I've been a bit mopey. I haven't reviewed the footage of my first song yet, though I have seen 'Easy Money.' It was good - not as good as I'd like, but hearing/seeing yourself recorded when you aren't used to it is always a bit of a trial.
This morning I was thinking about my mopiness, and feeling a bit post-partum about the show, and remembering how much time I had spent feeling this way when I was doing a lot of theatre. I would basically sit and shred my performance to bits in my head, with or without anyone else's help. I think in the short run this made me a better performer, but in the long run it's the thing that's kept me out of the theatre more than anything else.
So I'm going to try to adopt a more helpful, calm approach.
Everytime I perform, I learn something, or I do something better than I did last time. Watching the tape (when not distracted by Sammi's camera work, which is a whole 'nother story) I saw the flaws very clearly, but also saw the good things, and I know how far I've come since the first Cabaret. I should see this as a learning ground, a testing ground - a place to do my best and figure out what needs work. Not a place to tear a strip off of myself because I'm not perfect.
My best song in this show was one that I had run over and over, both in my own head (when I was getting my MRI, concentrating on running the lyrics was the only thing that kept me from serious claustrophobic panic) and with the band, to the point of sometimes feeling like I was hogging the rehearsals a little bit. I was confident, I knew the lyrics, I knew what the band were going to do, and I had rehearsed at home in my costume in front of the mirror. I knew what moves I might make, and what wouldn't look right. The less-good song was one we had run through maybe three times, that I hadn't even intended to sing until about two hours before the show.
There is no way on earth that I was going to perform 'Stand by Me' as well as 'Easy Money.' I hadn't even gotten the lyrics right once (though I did on stage - ah, adrenaline!). This is all learning. Next time 'round (we're probably doing one in the Spring, though not at the Market Hall, sadly, because it'll be closed for renos) I'm hoping we'll have the same band, and I'll have my songs chosen well in advance and rehearse the hell out of them.
In the meantime, I want to find more ways to sing with a good band in front of people. I still don't really know how to use a mic, and being on stage without a script is new to me too, so all the practice I can get will help.
And I should take some vocal lessons. It's time and past time.
Right now it's a beautiful warm Fall day, and I'm going to go sit outside and soak up some sunshine. I'm feeling good again; someday, I'll get good enough at this to make these processes automatic, but y'know - without a mentor to tell you over and over to stop beating yourself up, it takes a lot longer to stop yourself from the kinds of habits that mess you up.
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